Do you consider yourself a good mediator? Are you up to handling a “hot” conflict or ready to referee a breakdown in negotiations to achieve that WIN-WIN outcome?
As a good mediator, everything that you do, and how you do it, should be with the goals of conflict resolution – the end result – in mind:
- Come to an agreement that benefits all parties concerned.
- Find a solution as quickly as possible.
- Healing and improving relationships.
Tips For Being A Good Mediator
40-Forwarders, you and I may be called upon to be mediators so let us get prepared (just in case). Below are ten (10) pointers to ensure we are efficient and effective in our role.
1. Credibility
My dears, the mere fact that you are called upon to be a mediator is a testament to your credibility. This (calling) says that you are respected and trusted by both parties. And it also says integrity, truth, fairness, and soundness are part of the fabric of who you are.
Your character has given you the nod! (Selah)
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As you carry out your duties, it is important that you are believable and consistent. Therefore, at no time should either party feel that you are taking sides. Instead, they must feel (and know) that you are hearing both sides, and you have everyone’s “interests” at heart.
You got creds and clout, so use them to your advantage to get this conflict resolved!
2. Set the stage
A good mediator not only sets the stage but he/she maintains the set stage. Last week we went through what this would look like. You are responsible for:
- Establishing and maintaining the ground rules that were agreed upon by the parties.
- Ensuring parties feel comfortable and safe.
- Keeping focus around the identified “interests” on the table by managing the conversation to ensure the parties stick to the established purpose of the meeting, and not allow other “interests” or “positions” to take over the meeting.
- Facilitating open and respectful exchange throughout the session.
3. Patience and tact
It is clear that patience and tact are “SHALLs” (long time I haven’t put in some quality speak 😉 ) in setting and maintaining the WIN-WIN stage. To achieve success, you need to keep the conversation going – keep the parties at the table, and keep them talking. This can be difficult in combative situations. (Talk about fancy footwork and choreography!)
You may need to use the art of “questioning”. So, to head off a breakdown, you start asking some clarifying questions (start paraphrasing). That’s tact in action. 😉
Do bear this in mind, and guard against it – you (the mediator) becoming impatient. In Jamaica, we would say, “Nuh mek dem draw yuh tongue!” This is one of the quickest ways for you to lose the parties’ respect and reduce your effectiveness.
4. Objectivity & Self Control
One of the things we have already learnt is, as mediators, we must keep our own feelings and opinions to ourselves in order to maintain “fairness” in the process and to ensure none of the parties cry “foul” due to bias. To prevent this from happening, you are required to remain emotionally detached from the proceedings, and instead be an “ear” to both sides, being totally objective in evaluating the information/arguments presented.
I am sure you can see the link with the previous point when it comes to self-control. As you listen, and as you question the parties, exceptional self-control may be necessary. What this boils down to is, no matter what is said, avoid displays of genuine anger, irritation, sympathy, weariness/frustration, or annoyance. These displays can erode any ground that would have been gained in the conflict resolution process.
5. Present and alert
A lot of information (some may be complex) may be “flying” in the process, so, as a good mediator, you must be focused on everything that is being said. There really is no room for “wandering thoughts”, you have to be present. Why? You are required to evaluate the information (the arguments) for both value and veracity (truth and accuracy).
My dears here is a very important evaluation tip – actions speak louder than words. Rona V, I don’t think you have correctly applied this saying. Oh really?! A good mediator (and auditor by the way) watches for body language and intonation (not what you say, but how you say it). A good mediator must be “alert” to spot and correctly interpret these behaviours.
This sense of alertness will also help you to know when to apply the pressure or ease off the throttle when you are trying to “get to the bottom of things”.
Alertness is paramount if you are mediating a volatile conflict, for example, gang warfare. Read the room for your safety and security and those of the parties. Guns (or other weaponry) could be drawn!
6) Critical thinking
This is closely linked to the two previous points. A good mediator digs deep and sees
(and hears) beyond what is being said. This is how you get to what really triggered the problem (root cause) and what are the parties’ real interests (remember the orange example).
You may be required to dig deep into some really complex and complicated matters. And what would be your role? To evaluate and analyse the problem objectively while helping the parties connect the dots between all the arguments being presented.
In addition, critical thinking will help you to bring out creative thinking in your brainstorming session, categorising the many ideas to allow for proper analysis, and then moving these many alternatives to a WIN-WIN solution.
7) Tenacity
If you are easily discouraged by opposition then being a mediator is not for you. Being a good mediator may require you to dig in your heels, ask the hard questions, and pull some teeth. You therefore must be ready for a marathon and not a sprint. Be committed to going the distance to achieve the WIN-WIN result!
8) Adaptability
There will be different personalities in the room, and you will be required to adapt to all these personalities. These different personalities can affect the tempo of the proceedings, and therefore guidance will be needed to keep the personalities on track to a successful resolution.
9) Initiative
Take the lead in controlling the process. Rein in any “wild horses” and keep the session on track.
10) Appearance
Did you see this one coming?! Well, my fellow mediators, how we look can affect the process. Your appearance can impact the parties. Look the part. Look like you mean business by being organised and professional in your appearance. This will favorably influence the parties. Oh yes, and be careful of your own body language (this is part of your appearance).
Summary
40-Forwarders, mediation is an art. We don’t want to be any ole mediator, we want to be good mediators. This designation, “good”, comes with practice. Therefore, over time, you will develop the skills noted above and become the mediator of choice. You will be known as the one who:
- Deals with people in all conditions and under all circumstances
- Unites parties
- Mediates for peace
- Pursues matters to a successful conclusion
There is nothing like demonstrated best practice. We would love to hear about when you had to “get in the middle” (be the mediator). Tell us about it in the comments. And as always, please SHARE this post.
Miss Campbell not because “but” I think you are good mediator, 1 you are a good listener,2 you dont quick to judge persons and you always used the words of God…so thumbs up to you my dear!