Avoid These Conflict Management Pitfalls

Conflict management pitfalls are the big finale for this series. These pitfalls that will be shared should be avoided at all costs. It is therefore important 40-Forwarders that we understand what they are, so we can guard against them.

But just before we hit the home stretch, let us take a look back. Here are the nuggets dropped so far about conflict and conflict management/resolution.

Recap

Once there are interactions, there will be conflict – “Teet and tongue will meet” – because values and beliefs are different, they will cause disagreements, sometimes miscommunication, and misinterpretation all of which are a part of our daily lives.

• Conflicts must be managed to prevent possible impacts on our physical, psychological, emotional, social, and/or spiritual wellbeing.
• Goals of conflict resolution are: 1) Coming to an agreement that benefits all parties; 2) Finding a solution as quickly as possible; and 3) Healing and improving relationships.
• In order to have a successful resolution, there must be a willingness to listen, respect, and consider the other options and opinions.
• There are six (6) types of conflict: 1) Fact/Simple Conflict; 2) Value Conflict; 3) Policy Conflict; 4) Ego Conflict; 5) Meta Conflict; and 6) Pseudo Conflict.
• We identified seven (7) steps to help with achieving good success in the resolution process: 1) Get to understand the conflict; 2) Get the parties to communicate; 3) Brainstorm to get different solutions on the table; 4) Choose the best solution; 5) Engage a mediator if necessary; 6) Explore alternatives; and 7) Cope with the stress and pressure that may come with the process.
• There are different conflict management styles, each with its own benefits and/costs. Each conflict should be assessed and the best style applied. Styles include: accommodating, avoiding, compromising, competing, and collaborating.

Phew! Can you imagine going through all this heavy lifting and then end up falling into a pit?!

Let us learn to spot the warning signals and the triggers (pitfalls) that could prevent us from successfully resolving the problem.

Conflict Management Pitfalls

1) Counter-blaming

Talk about not wanting to take responsibility or shuffling the blame to someone else, well this is it. Does this sound familiar? You came home very tired from work expecting dinner to be well on its way only to find out that nothing has started. You, then ask, “Why is the dinner not on,” and the response is, “Well, you didn’t leave out what you needed us to prepare!”

This is a typical example of counter-blaming, one person redirects the conflict by blaming the other person for the issue. Can you visualise the possible argument developing?! You just got in and is extremely tired (and hungry), now you are agitated, a peaceful resolution is the farthest thing from your mind. Oh, and a part of the ensuing issue is the proverbial, “You always do things like this!”

TIME-OUT! You are not helping the situation and you are not resolving the conflict.

2) Cross-complaining

Closely related to counter-blaming is cross-complaining. Using the same scenario, and the disagreement becomes really heated, and unrelated issues that have been bothering you, now get thrown into the mix.

REIN IT IN! Work through the problem at hand. Try not to introduce other issues into the conversation. One problem at a time, please!

3) Mutual Hostility

When a simple “dinner did not start” disagreement escalates into personal attacks, shouting and other types of verbal and possible physical and emotional abuse, you have fallen into the pit, “mutual hostility”.

BREAK & TO YOUR CORNERS! When insults start flying and characters are being assaulted, pull back, “tek weh yuh self” as there will be no resolution in this situation, the “environment is now hostile”.

4) Demand Withdrawal

At the other extreme is the demand withdrawal, where one party clams up (refuses to say a thing) and chooses to avoid any form of discussion. No matter how much you try to get them to engage, to deal with the conflict, they refuse, you get “nothing from them”. Am I hearing a few wives saying “Amen”?!

The person keeps bringing up the issue, and you are trying to circumnavigate the argument (change the subject), but the other party is not having it. Am I hearing a few husbands saying, “Amen”?!

PULL UP A CHAIR! In the best interest of both parties, create the right moment to discuss the matter, to avoid frustration and resentment that would only make the situation worse.

5) Serial Arguments

The final possible pitfall is serial arguments. You keep arguing over the same thing over and over, and over again, with no end in sight.

After a while, you simply give up on discussing the problem because you feel like you are going around the mulberry bush and issues are not being addressed.

STOP! Slow down and catch up with each other, make sure you are both on the same page, and not let minor disagreements put a wedge in your relationships. They can be easily resolved.

In Summary

I am sure you may have seen these conflict management pitfalls before, if not in your own conflicts, you may have observed them in conflicts between others.

These pitfalls can prevent us from achieving the goals of conflict management/resolution.

• They may prevent the parties from coming to agreements that will benefit the parties concerned.
• Will not be able to find a solution as quickly as you would want.
• And they certainly don’t help to heal or improve relationships.

Because we know that poorly managed conflicts can have negative effects on our physical, psychological, emotional, social, and spiritual wellbeing, we cannot afford to allow pitfalls to hijack the conflict resolution process. Spot the triggers and deal with them. Let nothing deter us from getting to satisfying outcomes.

The Conclusion of the Conflict Matter

40-Forwarders, we are now armed and dangerous! We have some effective tools in our arsenal to fight the conflict and to ensure an amicable outcome, then we all “WIN”!

Again, these blog posts are not the be-all and end-all of conflict management, but they are definitely steps in the right direction. Let us make the best use of what we have. 🙂

My dears remember this, conflict is part of our everyday life. It doesn’t matter our age and/or stage in life or wherever we come from, conflict will always be present. Why? We are all different and do remember, conflict is not a “bad” thing, it’s just how we approach and/or resolve the issues.

It took some doing, but wi cross it! Jamaicans are known for sprints and not marathons, but we stuck to the topic of Conflict Management and have made it to the end!

Give feedback on any of the topics shared in the Series. What are some of your takeaways? What are some of your experiences?

• Why is Conflict Management Important?
• How to Handle Conflict Resolution
• 10 Tips for Being A Good Mediator
• The Best Conflict Management Styles
• Avoid These Conflict Management Pitfalls

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