The conflict management style that is used to work through a conflict should be based on the specific situation presented by the conflict. It is therefore important that we remember that there is no one solution that will work in every situation. As the nature of the conflict changes so should the conflict management style.
Whichever conflict management style we choose to use, the goals of the conflict resolution process remain the same.
- Come to an agreement that benefits all parties concerned.
- Find a solution as quickly as possible.
- Healing and improving relationships.
Overview
So what are these conflict management styles?
There are five (5) general styles and depending on the outcome you desire, the style will fall somewhere on the cooperativeness-assertiveness / concern (concern for self – concern for others) grid.
- Accommodating
- Avoiding
- Compromising
- Competing
- Collaborating
REMEMBER: Conflicts differ, therefore one size does not fit all. Each conflict should be assessed, and then the best conflict management style is applied.
Ok 40-Forwarders, let us dig deeper into these conflict management styles. It is important that we know when and how to use these different styles. If we do, we can have better control of the conflict and this can lead to beneficial outcomes. Let us, therefore, get into understanding the Pros and Cons, and the DOs and the DON’Ts of these different styles.
Conflict Management Styles
ACCOMMODATING
This style is best suited for those conflicts that we don’t want to make “a mountain out of a molehill” out of. Not only is that in your estimation the issue is of low importance to you. You will therefore set aside your own wants/needs/concerns and focus on those of the other party.
In using this style, this person is being cooperative and unassertive and has low concern for self and more concern for the other party.
Pros
- Relationships are maintained.
- Small conflicts can be easily dealt with.
- Presents an easygoing and open atmosphere that allows parties to feel at ease talking about the problem.
Cons
- Possibility that perceived “weakness” may be exploited.
- Accommodator may be taken advantage of.
DOs
Use this style when:
- Your care for the other person (and your relationship with them) is more important than the issue at hand.
- You know you are wrong.
- Peace is what you seek.
- There is no point in arguing; know when to pick your battles.
- Prolonging the conflict is really not worth your time.
DON’Ts
Don’t compromise when:
- Your values are at stake.
- You are absolutely sure you are right.
AVOIDING
Persons who use this conflict management style seek to resolve the conflict in one of three ways: 1) ignoring it; 2) evading it; and/or 3) removing themselves from it.
A combination of numbers one and two are often used. In both responses, you pretend as though the conflict does not exist and you try “burying your head in the sand” so the conflict would go away. If this is the case, you are not negotiating to solve the problem.
Another characteristic of this conflict management style is, the person tends to “beat around the bush” instead of addressing the problem head-on. This is a stalling tactic as the cost (of dealing with the conflict) outweighs the benefits.
When persons do this, skirt around the conflict, they also have a tendency to make sarcastic remarks. For instance, the person may say, “As an intelligent person, I try to avoid conflict.”
If Avoiding is the preferred mode of dealing with this conflict then you tend to be uncooperative and unassertive, and you have a low concern for yourself and others.
Pros
- The conflict is not escalated.
- When emotions are high, it may be a good idea to step back (temporarily) and cool off. If an ego conflict develops, then initially, this may be the way to go.
Cons
- There is no need for long-term solution which may leave it unresolved.
- Kicking the can (the conflict) down the line can lead to more (and bigger) problems.
DOs
- Use if the issue is deemed low on the importance scale; the issue doesn’t really matter.
- If the relationship to the other person involved does not matter, go ahead and use this style.
DON’Ts
- Try not to use this style in the wrong situation, you may end up adding fuel to fire.
COMPROMISING
If compromising is your preferred style in this conflict situation, then the tendency is to seek the middle ground. The aim is to give some satisfaction on both sides of the aisle. In order to accomplish this, there must be some give and take. So, each party is giving up something. Can you see why a mediator would tend to prefer this conflict management style? (Both sides are gaining something.)
Those who employ this conflict management style are both cooperative and assertive (in the middle of the cooperative and assertive grid, as well as the concern grid).
Pros
- Issue can be resolved quickly.
- Hands-on process.
- All parties are on “equal footing” and have equal power.
- Compromise today and possibly collaborate in the future.
Cons
- No one leaves the table completely happy.
- This approach could cause problems down the road when parties start thinking about what they had to give up. This is where resentment and possible frustration sets in. Don’t be surprised if the conflict resurfaces.
- Less than the optimal (absolute best) solutions may be implemented.
DOs
- If “half a loaf is better than none” in your book, then this is the best style for resolving the conflict at hand.
- Is there an impasse and a difficulty in solving the problem that completely satisfies the conflicting parties? This is a good option.
DON’Ts
- Not preferred if beliefs and values can be compromised which could affect you in the future.
- Could lead to incompatibility and inconsistency in your practice of resolving conflict.
COMPETING
Compromise is off the table and it is game-on! It is all about the win – with or without the problem being resolved. Parties dig in their heels and they are ready to fight with no care for the other side.
Now, competing doesn’t mean aggression and manipulation. Peaceful persuasion and fair play can take place when this style is being used.
If competing is your method of choice then your stance will be uncooperative and assertive, and as it relates to concern, your tendency is high self-concern and low concern for others.
Pros
- Very goal oriented.
- Quick decision is needed.
Cons
- Strong possibility for hostility to develop.
- No one wants to back down – “positions” are at play and not “interests”.
- If competing involves coercion then this could affect relationships.
DOs
- This is the appropriate style if you are standing up for your principles, rights, morals, or something that means a lot to you.
- Use in instances when nothing else seems to be working.
DON’Ts
- Don’t compete for the sake of competing or denying the other party a win or compromise because you dislike them or out of spite.
COLLABORATING
This conflict management style is what I will coin the “long haul” method because it may take some back and forth. We are working to integrate some long-term solutions that will fully satisfy all parties, so it may take some time. Gaining all parties’ commitment requires effort which again may take some time. Remember a marathon and not a sprint.
Communication, honest and open, are key to the success of this style. This communication ensures that all interests are aired and understood and that they are addressed in the agreement that is reached.
If you employ the collaborating conflict management style then you are at the extremes of the continuum, cooperative and assertive. Additionally, you tend to have a high concern for yourself and others.
Pros
- Fully satisfied parties.
- Builds commitment to the proposed solution.
- Builds relationships and mutual trust.
- Solution actually solves the identified problem.
- New solutions could emerge in the process.
Cons
- Time consuming process.
- Energy consuming.
DOs
- If maintaining a strong relationship is important, this is your best option.
- Use this method if the solution will have a significant impact, for example, marital problems.
DON’Ts
- Don’t collaborate if the relationship means nothing to you, and if will cause you to compromise your beliefs and values.
Your Turn To Apply The Conflict Management Styles
Now that we have looked at the five (5) conflict management styles, is there any style(s) that you instinctively use when responding to all your conflicts? I trust from the information presented you recognise that your “preferred” style cannot be used to handle every type of conflict. To help you develop your conflict management muscles, here are a couple of scenarios for you to contemplate and consider.
Drop some of your responses to the scenarios in the comment section. Additionally, share with us any conflict situation in which you have accommodated or avoided or compromised or competed and/or collaborated when you were not supposed to (based on the knowledge just dropped). Think back on what were the results; what did you gain or lose? Would you have done things differently now (with your new knowledge? 😉
Coming Next … “Pitfalls To Avoid In Conflict Management”
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