What Healthy Relationships Look Like

Healthy relationships are important to our well-being – physical, psychological, social, emotional, and spiritual wellbeing. 40-Forwarders, we, therefore, have to be deliberate about cultivating and nurturing our relationships to ensure they remain healthy. It is also important that we teach and guide our Youngins to do the same.

We are social beings (for the most part). A sense of belonging is natural; it’s human nature. This sense of belonging is stronger in some more than in others.

Permit me to raise a caution flag here.

Be very careful that we do not get so carried away by “belonging” that we get caught up in the wrong crowd/company.

Family

Families come in different sizes, shapes, and situations. The first relationship that we develop is in our families. There is hardly any culture (I dear say, there is no culture) in which family relationships are not important. It is in our families that our foundations are formed and our norms are developed.

Those we often call family is sometimes not biological. How many of you have Aunty/Uncle So-and-So, or brothers and sisters from another mother, or grammies and nanas that did not give birth to your parents? But should anybody ask, they are family. 🙂

Raise your hand, if you have engrafted yourself into someone else’s family! Rona V. must confess that she has painted herself into a few family portraits. Di people dem suh nice, mi jus caan help it! 😉 Some of the reasons for such an attraction is, we feel:

• Welcomed
• Loved
• Safe
• Happy
• At home
• Accepted
• A sense of belonging

How Healthy Relationships Work

Regardless of the type of relationship – romantic, familial, or friendships – there are certain characteristics that identify them as “healthy”. These include:

1) Good Communication

Speak to each other, and in doing so be honest and respectful. Create time together – fun (games, outings), food, and fellowship (devotion/prayer) times.

Dr. Gary Chapman, a well-known relationship expert, authored the book The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate. In his book, he outlines five general ways that couples express and experience love. Over the years Dr. Chapman has extended his concept to children, teenagers, single adults, and in the workplace. Do take the time to learn more are about these “languages”, then seek to learn each other’s Love Language, and start speaking it.

2) The Trust Factor

Trust says, “My word is my bond.” Because it is your bond, you say what you mean, and mean what you say, and guess what, you do it! No lies or excuses around here.

With trust comes some vulnerabilities because you open up to the individual allowing he/she into your inner circle. Hurts are therefore possible, so try not to violate confidentiality.

3) Respect

Belittling and contempt are not part of the relationship, instead listen attentively, acknowledge the other party’s contribution, accept that you will have differences of opinion, be compassionate, and be sure to apologise (quickly) when necessary.

4) Appreciation For Each Other

A little THANK YOU goes a long way, so don’t hesitate to express your gratitude.

5) Boundaries Are Established

Have open discussions about “the rules”. What is acceptable and what is not. Be clear on what you will allow and what you will not. Mental and energy-draining relationships are a definite no-no.

6) Freedom To Be You

At no time do you have to “fake it“. Others know your “crazy” and accept you for who you are.

7) Reciprocity

It is simple, “Do unto others as you would have them do to you.” If you want (and receive) good communication, love, trust, respect, appreciation, and acceptance, then give it.

What Unhealthy Relationships Look Like

My dears, the opposite of everything we have discussed is true, unhealthy relationships can (and do) have adverse effects on our wellbeing. So weigh your relationships carefully.

• Is there a constant feeling of insecurity?
• Does it feel like you are always “doing the work” to make the relationship work?
• Are you always on the defensive?
• Does your beliefs and values align?
• Do you have to compromise your values?
• You just can’t seem to do anything right!
• Are you experiencing panic attacks or anxiety just thinking about the individual?
• You feel afraid to speak your mind or you have to walk on egg shells around this person?

If you have answered YES to a number of these questions, RED FLAG! For your wellbeing’s sake, cut loose from such a relationship.

Now, don’t think for a minute that these questions are relating to romantic (or as we would say in Jamaica, man, and woman relationships), but they also relate to familial relationships, business relationships, and friendships.

Truth is 40-Forwarders, there are some relationships that are downright toxic and destructive. If you find yourself in such an unhealthy relationship, please, please get out and get help!

10 Healthy Relationship Habits

Developing these healthy relationship habits can positively impact your health and wellbeing.

1. Pray together. Make it a habit to pray for each other and to pray for others.
2. Check-in regularly with each other.
3. Skin teet (Translated: Laugh). I give you permission to laugh at your “crazy” behaviours.
4. Hangout. Pull up a chair and just chill.
5. Be that support. Sometimes you may have to carry, or be carried. If you must, take out those pom-poms and cheer each other on.
6. Be not afraid to apologise. Snuff out any unnecessary conflicts.
7. Celebrate your WINs and achievements.
8. Take a trip – plane, train, automobile, or walk foot (no, it’s not an error, it’s a Jamaican thing)
9. Set individual and shared goals. Become accountability partners and check off those achievements.
10. Families, make meal times sacred. Barring an emergency, come together at the table.

Make these habits your own and run with them!

40-Forwarders, these here are difficult times, so this is what I want to encourage and challenge you to do

#1. Be deliberate about cultivating and maintaining healthy relationships.

#2. Let not your actions be unhealthy seeds sown which lead to the death of a good relationship.

#3. Where possible, help others to change their unhealthy relationships into healthy ones.

Share your takeaways from this post in the Comments and also share your healthy relationship stories.